at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
