Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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