im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
