Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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