Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
