his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
