He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
