I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
