I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
