I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
