i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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