I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
