While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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