I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
