Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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