I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
