By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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