grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
