It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
