how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Holy shit dude........stairs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
