I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
