His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's rum buckets o'clock
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
