People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
