Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
