YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
