just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
