i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As shirtless as possible
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
