I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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