you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
