Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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