yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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