I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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