ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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