uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
farters have to be the big spoon...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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