Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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