so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
