i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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