He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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