man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
