At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
