he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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