I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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