Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
