i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
