dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
