I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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