She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
