NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
