We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
