What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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