People in love make me want to vomit
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
