i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
