My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
