She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
