Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
