ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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