Don't make out with my wife yet
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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